Monday, May 30, 2011

I am powerless but not helpless

Serenity Project
Day 2 & 3:  I read the above statement in one of my morning readings today.  I love it because it sums up for me the truth about my responsibility for myself.  I came into recovery believing my problems were caused by other people and certainly other people were involved.  But the real problem was that I was never looking for the part I played in the problem.  In the last couple of days I've been practicing looking at even tiny little problems with the clear eyes of a person who is powerless but not helpless. 

I am powerless over other people, tornadoes, what my body wants to do about sleep, etc.  But I am not helpless - I do have the responsibility to respond rather than react to what happens around me.  I'm also responsible for taking care of my thoughts so that they don't run to the negative.  I've learned that believing what I think about ANYTHING is hazardous!  Usually my ego is running things in my head and my ego never wants to take responsibility for anything so tells me that someone or something else needs to shape up. 

This weekend I had a conversation with a friend about a problem she was having in a relationship and was reminded of this concept again.  She was feeling helpless about the effect the other person was having on her.  She truly didn't believe there was any solution to the problem unless the other person changed.  She had come to me for help, so I shared some ideas about ways she could take care of herself in the situation.  Since her mind was already made up that the only solution was for the other person to change, I didn't get anywhere.  I love and care about her so in the past I would have gotten emotional and tried very hard to get her to see things my way.  This time I just took care of myself by saying that I could see that she did not want to try doing anything except try to change the other person, but that I didn't know how that could be done.  Then I shut up.  I'm sure she wasn't happy, but at least I didn't get all upset myself.  I will pray for her since God is the one that has the power and be serene myself. 

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