Mary Ann VanWinkle

"Just for today I will live through this one day only and not tackle all my problems at once." Just for Today.

This new thing I'm doing - voice mapping - that I hope will do what it's supposed to do - which is to rewire my nervous system so that I don't have so many ptsd symptoms - is putting me to sleep. I'm sleeping a long time at night and am having trouble staying up all day. One day I got up at 7:00 a.m., did my morning routine and went back to bed at 8:30. I slept until 3:00 p.m., ate and went to bed for the night around 6:00 and slept until 9:00 the next morning. I don't seem to have much choice about whether I go to sleep or not. Plus I am very sad this week since my son who died 30 years ago would have been 45 on the 15th. I am sad because I still miss him. It seems to me to be strange that I would still love and miss someone who wasn't quite 15 when he died and has been gone 30 years. It must mean that love is more powerful than time. I'm making my best effort to take care of business since my program has taught me not to let myself be overwhelmed by anything I'm dealing with. I picked up my taxes today - since I sent in some money based on a wild guess as to what I might owe, I'm getting some of it back. That's a happy thing. Tonight I will be going to my regular Friday night meeting right after I meet one of the women I sponsor for dinner so that we can go over her 8th step work. That's another happy thing.