Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
In this past three years I've felt a lot like a small child looking for guidance since nothing in my world now resembles the person I was and the life I led before the wreck. I just re-found the 7 questions today and will use them to guide me again.
1. Today I feel...
2. What I most want right now is...
3. What I need right now is...
4. What I'm most afraid of is...
5. I am grateful for...
6. What is the truth of my experience right now?
7. If I could reclaim my life, I would...
I'm grateful for all the loving people in my life. I'm grateful for my seemingly inborn adaptability. I'm not going to be reclaiming the life I had. It's my job to create a new one. That is very difficult when I'm always waiting... waiting for a surgery, waiting to heal from a surgery... waiting to be told by the doctor whether I can drive, walk, etc. But it's going to have to be possible to create a life in the midst of waiting because I get way too squirreley when I have to sit and wait for life to begin. So, I pretend I'm not waiting and just forge ahead. When I have to stop, I do the best I can to put everything on hold for just as long as necessary and not a minute longer. I try not to start things that require my actual presence unless there's a way to put them on hold. So far, this approach is working fairly well but I still feel squirreley - like I don't have an actual life. So, 7 questions will be answered every day. I'm grateful to whoever gave me these questions.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
My defense against all the dangers of life and love is my connection with God, and God gives me the realization that if those I love don't treat me well it's because they are not loving themselves at the time and so can't love anyone else. I don't have to take it personally. Easier said than done! But still true. I'm noticing that I'm seeing a lot of lack of self love in other people and myself. So, I'm working on cutting myself some slack. I'm not doing a lot of the things I want to do with the level of perfection I think I should. I'm still getting up in the morning and doing what I can, though. For now that's good enough!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
What if ...we knew everything was okay and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then? We'd be free to let go and enjoy life! The Language of Letting Go. Melody Beattie.
Friday's trip to the doctor was basically good but the progress in healing was not actually clear. So I'm released to do a little more but not a lot. I was hoping for more.
I know that not worrying and that everything is really okay is true. However, it does not mean that I will always get everything I want. There's a tee shirt in one of the catalogs I get that says, "Manure Occureth." That is also true. The thing is I really don't have to worry about manure occuring. I get the courage, patience and ability to handle that too. So I will work on being free and enjoying life today!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I'm a big list maker. I carry list making to great heights - color coded, illustrated, etc. Of course, that's a big time waster but we won't talk about that. Nevertheless, I do get things completed that I would otherwise forget about. Sometimes things stay on my list for years and years and then I finally do them. Lists are good. But the really important priorities get sandwiched in between grocery shopping and renewing my driver's license. I think I'll put those priorities first on the list!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Grief is so unbelievably painful. No one can really believe it the first time they experience it. It's common to think you're going crazy or that you're going to die. But, no, it's just grief - more painful than childbirth, more painful than anything I can think of. My grandson's girlfriend's sister's husband was killed in a terrible wreck on Friday. He was only 25. They have a 5 month old baby. My grandson and his girlfriend's family are in that tortured phase of grief when they can't talk so they can be understood. When I talked to them on the phone, I mostly just said, "I'm sorry, but I didn't understand what you said." What I had to offer was my experience, strength and hope - you are not going crazy and you're not going to die. All of you will get through this even though it seems impossible right now. It will get better. The love you have for each other will help.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
Maybe all of us are broken hearted from childhood on. Or at least most of us. We are hungry tigers for love; love we didn't get enough of from childhood. We want to be loved for ourselves; as we are. Even when we're obnoxious and stepping on the toes of the people we want to love us. What in the world is the solution? I guess (ha!) it must be to go to God for that kind of love and then try to be a channel for others. Hmmm. Tall order. "What an order! I can't go through with it!" But what else have I got to do before I die?
Sunday, July 06, 2008
It's July in Oklahoma so I'm not sure I would get much from living in the sunshine right now except a sunburn and a lot of sweat. But I surely do need to live in the Divine Spirit. For whatever reason I am sad and tired right now and my mind wants to run to the negative. There really is no discernible reason! I will consult the Divine Spirit for what activities for this day and ask that my mind be cured.
Friday, July 04, 2008
"You should not doubt that better things are ahead for you. Go forward unafraid because you feel deeply safe under God's protection. Twenty-Four Hours A Day.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I woke up at 6:15 this morning after a solid night's sleep beginning around 9:00 p.m. last night. Boy did that feel good. I had a long day yesterday and was very tired. Sometimes that means I will sleep well. Sometimes it doesn't. Last night it did. It's a big deal to wake up before 10:00 in the morning since I often sleep 10 to 12 hours a night (with a couple of wake ups). So, I think this means I'm doing a little better with healing from surgery. Yay! That in turn means that I can do more during the day - besides watch Law and Order re-runs that is. I certainly am limited and certainly I need God's love to accept my limitations without fear.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
"What is sometimes called holiness is often only the invitation of God to be our Friend. As God becomes your friend, you become a friend to others. We experience true human friendship and from this experience we can imagine what kind of a Great Friend God can be. We believe Him to be a tireless, selfless, all conquering, miracle-working Friend. We can reach out to the Great Friend and figuratively take His hand in ours. I pray that I may think of God as a Great Friend in need." Twenty-Four Hours a Day
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